yourneckplusmyteeth:

inturlrude:

what the fuck is happening over in America?

Beats me but at least the girls are getting prettier.

(Source: fallongifs, via i-wanna-touch-butts)

19 hours ago
554,103 notes
Become friends with people who aren’t your age. Hang out with people whose first language isn’t the same as yours. Get to know someone who doesn’t come from your social class. This is how you see the world. This is how you grow.

words-of-emotion:

I swear that when our lips touch, I can taste the next 60 years of my life.

(via my-heart-is-in-socal)

20 hours ago
784 notes

basementdemo:

my mom told me to put the dog to bed but didn’t specify which bed 

(via weareall50shadesofuckedup)

21 hours ago
86,579 notes
prettyxlittlexbaby:

retrogradeworks:

This is how fucking stupid you sound when you say, ‘No homo.’

LOL, I totally wanna start saying “No Beastiality” to my dog now though just cause it makes me laugh

prettyxlittlexbaby:

retrogradeworks:

This is how fucking stupid you sound when you say, ‘No homo.’

LOL, I totally wanna start saying “No Beastiality” to my dog now though just cause it makes me laugh

(via funny-feminist)

21 hours ago
177,685 notes
1. Do not say “I love you” if you do not mean it.
2. Do not date someone just to make another person jealous.
3. Do not cheat.
4. Do not lie, not even about little insignificant things.
5. Do not date someone just because someone else in unavailable at the moment.
6. Do not play with someone’s emotions.
7. Just be a decent fucking person.
another rant no one will learn from (via avvfvl)

(Source: hidden-disaster, via truelovealwaysandforever)

19 hours ago
179,795 notes

Alex Turner’s love letter to Alexa Chung: "My mouth hasn’t shut up about you since you kissed it. The idea that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain, which hasn’t stopped thinking about you since well before any kiss."

Alex Turner’s love letter to Alexa Chung: "My mouth hasn’t shut up about you since you kissed it. The idea that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain, which hasn’t stopped thinking about you since well before any kiss."

(Source: virgules, via cerulific)

19 hours ago
236,564 notes
team-cky:

25 More Unintentional Quotes From Children That Will Send Shivers Down Your Spine


1. When I was probably around 6 or 7, I had no idea what sex was or how making babies worked. I just thought that if you loved someone, you’d eventually end up being pregnant and having a baby. So one day, I randomly said to my dad “one day I might end up having a baby with you”. Which probably creeped him out no end.

2. My cousin’s kid when he was around 4 or 5 came into the bathroom as I was straightening my hair. He closed the door, looked at me and said: “I don’t want to kill you.”

Creepy. He’s 13 now and whenever I tell him the story he just laughs his ass off.

3. my 6 year old daughter came downstairs from her bedroom and said “Dad, i think Kacey is dead”, that’s my 3 year old daughter. Of course i ran up to make sure Kacey was ok, at which time my oldest daughter raided the cookie jar.

4. My son when he was about 2… he had a weird fear of being abandoned, which there never was an incident of him getting lost or any type thing. He asked my wife if we have ever forgotten him anywhere, which she replied no. He responds “oh that’s right, it happened when you were small and I was big”

5. My daughter had some imaginary friends for a couple years named Dodo, Ghana & The Evil. They just sort of appeared out of nowhere when she was about 2.5 years old. It started with Dodo and Ghana, then a few months later (she was about 3 at this point) she came up to me and told me with a creepily expressionless face: “The Evil is coming over today” and just walked away.

Turns out, The Evil was actually a pretty nice imaginary friend, she just had an unfortunate name.

6. I was in Fred Meyers buying groceries a few months ago and a random kid walked up right next to me and pulled on my pocket. Kid had to be like 7 or 8. Anyway, he pulls on my pocket and I look down and he makes a throat slicing motion with his finger over his throat and just walks away. That was the creepiest run-in with a stranger, not to mention a kid, I’ve ever had.

7. I was changing my 2 1/2 year old daughter’s diaper when she reached up and touched the side of my face. She looked in my eyes, and said, “I love you, but I never should have married you.” It was a week later that I realized the babysitter had showed her “The Fantastic Mr. Fox”, and that it was a line from the movie, not something my wife was practicing saying in the mirror.

8. I’m not a parent, but my mom told me that when I was really young, I used to sit by the rocking chair and mumble things. She eventually became curious and asked what I was saying. I told her I was talking to “the old lady”.

Also, about 10 years later, I stayed at my aunt’s house. In the morning, I heard my 3 year old cousin stirring, so I decided to be a thoughtful niece and went to get her out of bed so my aunt could sleep in longer. When I walked into her room, she stood up in her crib and said “Your friend came and woke me up last night.” I was staying in a room by myself the night before.

9. I’ve got a few stories from my own childhood actually.

I remember one time my mom told me when I was about 2~3 I told her that I was once a firefighter and died fighting a house fire.

There was another time when I was 2 years old, at my grandmother’s house, when I inexplicably walked up to the glass coffee table and smashed my head straight through it. I didn’t cry or say anything, just did it. I still don’t know why or even remember doing it.

10. Little brother was talking to someone in the living room while i was fixing lunch, i go into the other room and ask him who he’s talking to. He’s looking at the window and says this old lady, she’s very funny but doesn’t like you.

11. Not a parent but I’ve worked at a daycare centre. I was watching a little girl playing with one of the dolls. She was dressing it, putting it to bed, etc. At one point she put the baby on the toy stove. I asked her what she was doing, “I’m burning the baby,” she replied.

12. Well when I was a kid I slept walked one night and it freaked the shit out of my dad.

My dad heard a strange noise in the front of our house and walked out to see me sitting on our front step with the door open in the middle of the night. He asked me what I was doing, and I turned around and said, “I’m waiting for someone”. I had no recollection of it in the morning. He was creeped out for quite some time.

13. My parents were asleep. I apparently began sleep walking, never done it before, and never since that I know of. I went downstairs – I was about 7 I guess – and began rummaging through the kitchen. My dad apparently woke up soon after, and heard the noises. He was alarmed, and woke my mom. Told her to go make sure I was okay. He quickly got up, fearing an intruder in the house, and grabbed his .38 revolver. He hustled downstairs, held the gun up and flipped the lights on, only to see me having taken everything out of the fridge, arranging it on the floor. My mom discovered I wasn’t in my bed about this time I guess, and screamed for my dad. Her scream woke me up, and I was startled to see I was in the kitchen, food all around me, and my dad very frightened and holding a gun. My mom put me back to bed, and I woke the next day thinking it was just a strange dream.

Years later, as an adult, I realized it may have been real. I asked my dad, though he cringed while discussing it. Understandable. He pointed a gun at his own son.

Very scary night for him, more than me.

14. I used to have night terrors when I was around 2. Vivid nightmares that involved walking and talking in my sleep. Consequently, I often spent the night in my parents bed. One time my mom woke up and saw that I was missing. She found me standing in the living room. She tried to pick me up but I backed away and screamed, “Wash the blood off your hands!”

Said it creeped her the fuck out.

15. My son was 3 when I was tucking him into bed one night and he said, “Mommy what’s that big thing?” I replied, “What thing, baby?” THEN HE SAID “That big thing right behind you”

I knew there was nothing right behind me but a wall, I just did the scumbag mom thing and backed out of the room and shut the door. He wasn’t scared of ‘that big thing’ but I sure as hell was… creepy kids!

16. I was the kid, my mom told me this story once I was older. My great grandfather died, and because I was so young no one told me. My mom took me to his grave a few weeks after it happened, and let me play amongst the gravestones while she lay flowers. As we were leaving, I stopped and asked “why is great grandpa sitting in the tree?” I then pointed to what appeared to my mom as an empty tree, and waved. The tree was planted so the branches hung right above where he was buried. TL; DR: Pointed out my great grandfather to my mother without knowing he had died.

17. Not my kid, but the kid I was babysitting. And perhaps more sad than frightening.

I used to babysit two brothers, one was 9, the other 4. The 4-year-old was a pretty typical kid, while the 9-year-old was really distant and sometimes downright cruel. He would flip out at his younger brother (physically and verbally) for the smallest things and would laugh if the younger hurt himself, etc. It was tough mediating between them, and the parents seemed oblivious to how much the older brother loathed the younger. I figured the age difference was really all it was, but sometimes I sensed a real hatred radiating from the older brother.

So one day at the playground the 4-year-old’s friend comes up and says the younger brother has been telling everyone, ‘My brother is a killer!’

I pull the 4-year-old aside and say, ‘Hey, it isn’t nice to tell your friends that your older brother is a killer.’

To which he dispassionatly responds, ‘But he is a killer. He kills me every day.’ It was like the younger had given up. Really disconcerting to see a 4-year-old so…. I dunno, hopeless.

18. My ex and I took our kids over to my dad’s house and we were up stairs in one of the empty rooms playing. The closet door opened a little bit on its own and my three year old jumped up, ran over to it and said “it’s grandma”. My mother died before he was even conceived.

19. When my nephew was 3 or 4, he would stare at the window in my parents’ kitchen. One day, my mom asked him what he was looking at, and he said, “When I lived here before, my name was Alphonse, and I was bigger than you.” My mom was slightly creeped out and eventually told my stepdad. My stepdad just kind of blinked and said, “Hmm. That was my grandfather’s name, but we don’t talk about him.”

20. A story of when my brother was younger that my parents often tell.

My dad and my granddad went to an old army base that was now used as a museum. As they went into a bunker, my brother started saying “This is where we hid from the monsters that went ‘BOOM BOOM BOOM’”. My dad thought it was a bit strange but kept on looking around. A low flying plane flew by and my brother said “That is the monster there.” as he was pointing to the plane. My brother was 2 at the time, which must have been in 1994. Needless to say, both my dad and my grandad were creeped out by it, and still are today.

21. While Playing classroom with my three-year-old brother he made an off handed comment about being in my mother’s belly twice. I was amused and said oh really. He proceeded to tell me in amazing detail being inside our mother. He told me about it being warm and that he liked it but he always felt sick. One day he got so sick that “they” came and told him he had to leave. He didn’t want to so they promised him he would get to came back again and back to our mom. So he left and they let him come back again and this time he didn’t feel sick. I lost my mind and started screaming for my mother. He told her the same story then after she stopped crying we were not allowed to talk about it. I was ten and I was old enough to remember that she had a miscarriage almost 1 year before my brother was born.. Side note i’m not religious but my brother always kinda makes me wonder.

22. My daughter was 4 years old. One morning I heard her door open and shut. That usually meant that she would be coming to our room to lay down with us. She never came in, but shortly after I heard her voice. Hoping she would go back to sleep I let her be for a bit. Then I heard the door open and shut again. This time I decided to go into her room and see why she kept getting out of bed.

I walked in and she had her eyes closed.

“Sweetie?”

“Yes, daddy.”

“Why did you get out of bed?”

“I didn’t, I was trying to sleep but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept talking to me and asking me questions.”

“He? Who is he?”

“The little boy that was in my room.”

“Umm, sweetie that was just a dream. There is no boy in your room.”

“I know that. He just left.”

“Ok, well what was the little buy doing?”

“He was hanging from the fan and asking me a bunch of questions.”

“How was he hanging from the fan? With his arms?”

“No, with a rope.”

Scariest fucking moment of my life. I asked her about it about a year later and she said she doesn’t remember.

23. When I was little my mother took me to a petting zoo. They let me milk the cow and everything! Apparently upon getting home, I yanked my pants and underwear off and asked my mother to milk me.

24. When I was pregnant with my first, a five year old came up to me and said, “All babies are born alone.” He mom and I share freaked out glances and then she awkwardly tried to fix the situation by talking about twins.

My oldest (6, 5 at the time) once got mad at my youngest (3, 2 at the time) for sitting in the doorway to their room. Instead of asking him to move or calling for me, my eldest grabbed the little one by his head and shook him as hard as he could. I freaked out, scooped up the toddler and yelled: “What’s the matter with you?! You can’t shake babies! Do you know that could kill him?” Without flinching, my oldest looked me in the eyes and said, “Yes, that’s what I was trying to do.” I lost my mind and called up his therapist, wondering if I needed to or could commit him. It was really scary.

To clarify, he had a tendency to react physically, but before that I never thought he was actually trying to hurt anyone.

25. When my oldest brother was 3 or 4, he fell into my cousins’ pool. The pool didn’t have a ladder and was several inches to reach to get out, no way for a 3 year-old that has ever swam in his life to escape. Well, while all the adults were talking they hear him screaming and splashing, and then silence. When they ran to get him, he was standing right next to the pool and he was soaking wet. When they asked him what happened, he said, “I fell in the pool and couldn’t get out, then a shiny man pulled me out.”

That one will always give me shivers. 


For creepypastaisrad sixpenceee and their followers

team-cky:

25 More Unintentional Quotes From Children That Will Send Shivers Down Your Spine


1. When I was probably around 6 or 7, I had no idea what sex was or how making babies worked. I just thought that if you loved someone, you’d eventually end up being pregnant and having a baby. So one day, I randomly said to my dad “one day I might end up having a baby with you”. Which probably creeped him out no end.

2. My cousin’s kid when he was around 4 or 5 came into the bathroom as I was straightening my hair. He closed the door, looked at me and said: “I don’t want to kill you.”

Creepy. He’s 13 now and whenever I tell him the story he just laughs his ass off.

3. my 6 year old daughter came downstairs from her bedroom and said “Dad, i think Kacey is dead”, that’s my 3 year old daughter. Of course i ran up to make sure Kacey was ok, at which time my oldest daughter raided the cookie jar.

4. My son when he was about 2… he had a weird fear of being abandoned, which there never was an incident of him getting lost or any type thing. He asked my wife if we have ever forgotten him anywhere, which she replied no. He responds “oh that’s right, it happened when you were small and I was big”

5. My daughter had some imaginary friends for a couple years named Dodo, Ghana & The Evil. They just sort of appeared out of nowhere when she was about 2.5 years old. It started with Dodo and Ghana, then a few months later (she was about 3 at this point) she came up to me and told me with a creepily expressionless face: “The Evil is coming over today” and just walked away.

Turns out, The Evil was actually a pretty nice imaginary friend, she just had an unfortunate name.

6. I was in Fred Meyers buying groceries a few months ago and a random kid walked up right next to me and pulled on my pocket. Kid had to be like 7 or 8. Anyway, he pulls on my pocket and I look down and he makes a throat slicing motion with his finger over his throat and just walks away. That was the creepiest run-in with a stranger, not to mention a kid, I’ve ever had.

7. I was changing my 2 1/2 year old daughter’s diaper when she reached up and touched the side of my face. She looked in my eyes, and said, “I love you, but I never should have married you.” It was a week later that I realized the babysitter had showed her “The Fantastic Mr. Fox”, and that it was a line from the movie, not something my wife was practicing saying in the mirror.

8. I’m not a parent, but my mom told me that when I was really young, I used to sit by the rocking chair and mumble things. She eventually became curious and asked what I was saying. I told her I was talking to “the old lady”.

Also, about 10 years later, I stayed at my aunt’s house. In the morning, I heard my 3 year old cousin stirring, so I decided to be a thoughtful niece and went to get her out of bed so my aunt could sleep in longer. When I walked into her room, she stood up in her crib and said “Your friend came and woke me up last night.” I was staying in a room by myself the night before.

9. I’ve got a few stories from my own childhood actually.

I remember one time my mom told me when I was about 2~3 I told her that I was once a firefighter and died fighting a house fire.

There was another time when I was 2 years old, at my grandmother’s house, when I inexplicably walked up to the glass coffee table and smashed my head straight through it. I didn’t cry or say anything, just did it. I still don’t know why or even remember doing it.

10. Little brother was talking to someone in the living room while i was fixing lunch, i go into the other room and ask him who he’s talking to. He’s looking at the window and says this old lady, she’s very funny but doesn’t like you.

11. Not a parent but I’ve worked at a daycare centre. I was watching a little girl playing with one of the dolls. She was dressing it, putting it to bed, etc. At one point she put the baby on the toy stove. I asked her what she was doing, “I’m burning the baby,” she replied.

12. Well when I was a kid I slept walked one night and it freaked the shit out of my dad.

My dad heard a strange noise in the front of our house and walked out to see me sitting on our front step with the door open in the middle of the night. He asked me what I was doing, and I turned around and said, “I’m waiting for someone”. I had no recollection of it in the morning. He was creeped out for quite some time.

13. My parents were asleep. I apparently began sleep walking, never done it before, and never since that I know of. I went downstairs – I was about 7 I guess – and began rummaging through the kitchen. My dad apparently woke up soon after, and heard the noises. He was alarmed, and woke my mom. Told her to go make sure I was okay. He quickly got up, fearing an intruder in the house, and grabbed his .38 revolver. He hustled downstairs, held the gun up and flipped the lights on, only to see me having taken everything out of the fridge, arranging it on the floor. My mom discovered I wasn’t in my bed about this time I guess, and screamed for my dad. Her scream woke me up, and I was startled to see I was in the kitchen, food all around me, and my dad very frightened and holding a gun. My mom put me back to bed, and I woke the next day thinking it was just a strange dream.

Years later, as an adult, I realized it may have been real. I asked my dad, though he cringed while discussing it. Understandable. He pointed a gun at his own son.

Very scary night for him, more than me.

14. I used to have night terrors when I was around 2. Vivid nightmares that involved walking and talking in my sleep. Consequently, I often spent the night in my parents bed. One time my mom woke up and saw that I was missing. She found me standing in the living room. She tried to pick me up but I backed away and screamed, “Wash the blood off your hands!”

Said it creeped her the fuck out.

15. My son was 3 when I was tucking him into bed one night and he said, “Mommy what’s that big thing?” I replied, “What thing, baby?” THEN HE SAID “That big thing right behind you”

I knew there was nothing right behind me but a wall, I just did the scumbag mom thing and backed out of the room and shut the door. He wasn’t scared of ‘that big thing’ but I sure as hell was… creepy kids!

16. I was the kid, my mom told me this story once I was older. My great grandfather died, and because I was so young no one told me. My mom took me to his grave a few weeks after it happened, and let me play amongst the gravestones while she lay flowers. As we were leaving, I stopped and asked “why is great grandpa sitting in the tree?” I then pointed to what appeared to my mom as an empty tree, and waved. The tree was planted so the branches hung right above where he was buried. TL; DR: Pointed out my great grandfather to my mother without knowing he had died.

17. Not my kid, but the kid I was babysitting. And perhaps more sad than frightening.

I used to babysit two brothers, one was 9, the other 4. The 4-year-old was a pretty typical kid, while the 9-year-old was really distant and sometimes downright cruel. He would flip out at his younger brother (physically and verbally) for the smallest things and would laugh if the younger hurt himself, etc. It was tough mediating between them, and the parents seemed oblivious to how much the older brother loathed the younger. I figured the age difference was really all it was, but sometimes I sensed a real hatred radiating from the older brother.

So one day at the playground the 4-year-old’s friend comes up and says the younger brother has been telling everyone, ‘My brother is a killer!’

I pull the 4-year-old aside and say, ‘Hey, it isn’t nice to tell your friends that your older brother is a killer.’

To which he dispassionatly responds, ‘But he is a killer. He kills me every day.’ It was like the younger had given up. Really disconcerting to see a 4-year-old so…. I dunno, hopeless.

18. My ex and I took our kids over to my dad’s house and we were up stairs in one of the empty rooms playing. The closet door opened a little bit on its own and my three year old jumped up, ran over to it and said “it’s grandma”. My mother died before he was even conceived.

19. When my nephew was 3 or 4, he would stare at the window in my parents’ kitchen. One day, my mom asked him what he was looking at, and he said, “When I lived here before, my name was Alphonse, and I was bigger than you.” My mom was slightly creeped out and eventually told my stepdad. My stepdad just kind of blinked and said, “Hmm. That was my grandfather’s name, but we don’t talk about him.”

20. A story of when my brother was younger that my parents often tell.

My dad and my granddad went to an old army base that was now used as a museum. As they went into a bunker, my brother started saying “This is where we hid from the monsters that went ‘BOOM BOOM BOOM’”. My dad thought it was a bit strange but kept on looking around. A low flying plane flew by and my brother said “That is the monster there.” as he was pointing to the plane. My brother was 2 at the time, which must have been in 1994. Needless to say, both my dad and my grandad were creeped out by it, and still are today.

21. While Playing classroom with my three-year-old brother he made an off handed comment about being in my mother’s belly twice. I was amused and said oh really. He proceeded to tell me in amazing detail being inside our mother. He told me about it being warm and that he liked it but he always felt sick. One day he got so sick that “they” came and told him he had to leave. He didn’t want to so they promised him he would get to came back again and back to our mom. So he left and they let him come back again and this time he didn’t feel sick. I lost my mind and started screaming for my mother. He told her the same story then after she stopped crying we were not allowed to talk about it. I was ten and I was old enough to remember that she had a miscarriage almost 1 year before my brother was born.. Side note i’m not religious but my brother always kinda makes me wonder.

22. My daughter was 4 years old. One morning I heard her door open and shut. That usually meant that she would be coming to our room to lay down with us. She never came in, but shortly after I heard her voice. Hoping she would go back to sleep I let her be for a bit. Then I heard the door open and shut again. This time I decided to go into her room and see why she kept getting out of bed.

I walked in and she had her eyes closed.

“Sweetie?”

“Yes, daddy.”

“Why did you get out of bed?”

“I didn’t, I was trying to sleep but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept talking to me and asking me questions.”

“He? Who is he?”

“The little boy that was in my room.”

“Umm, sweetie that was just a dream. There is no boy in your room.”

“I know that. He just left.”

“Ok, well what was the little buy doing?”

“He was hanging from the fan and asking me a bunch of questions.”

“How was he hanging from the fan? With his arms?”

“No, with a rope.”

Scariest fucking moment of my life. I asked her about it about a year later and she said she doesn’t remember.

23. When I was little my mother took me to a petting zoo. They let me milk the cow and everything! Apparently upon getting home, I yanked my pants and underwear off and asked my mother to milk me.

24. When I was pregnant with my first, a five year old came up to me and said, “All babies are born alone.” He mom and I share freaked out glances and then she awkwardly tried to fix the situation by talking about twins.

My oldest (6, 5 at the time) once got mad at my youngest (3, 2 at the time) for sitting in the doorway to their room. Instead of asking him to move or calling for me, my eldest grabbed the little one by his head and shook him as hard as he could. I freaked out, scooped up the toddler and yelled: “What’s the matter with you?! You can’t shake babies! Do you know that could kill him?” Without flinching, my oldest looked me in the eyes and said, “Yes, that’s what I was trying to do.” I lost my mind and called up his therapist, wondering if I needed to or could commit him. It was really scary.

To clarify, he had a tendency to react physically, but before that I never thought he was actually trying to hurt anyone.

25. When my oldest brother was 3 or 4, he fell into my cousins’ pool. The pool didn’t have a ladder and was several inches to reach to get out, no way for a 3 year-old that has ever swam in his life to escape. Well, while all the adults were talking they hear him screaming and splashing, and then silence. When they ran to get him, he was standing right next to the pool and he was soaking wet. When they asked him what happened, he said, “I fell in the pool and couldn’t get out, then a shiny man pulled me out.”

That one will always give me shivers.


For creepypastaisrad sixpenceee and their followers

(via my-heart-is-in-socal)

19 hours ago
149 notes

0ce4n-g0d:

Underwater Sequence
Credits: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

(via tacotasha)

21 hours ago
3,115 notes

gourmetknights:

remember when the gameboy advance sp came out and it had a built in backlight plus a built in rechargable battery and it was like all of our prayers had been answered

(via so-what-if-i-love-her)

21 hours ago
110,026 notes